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YOU'RE A HOT MESS
I'm lovin' it, hell yes
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3:50 PM
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Tuesday, December 16, 2008
I've been lazing around at home recently and somehow i find myself getting more and more distracted, and i find myself digressing from whatever i'm doing almost everytime. It seems like i can never focus on something to do properly, and i hate myself for being so wishy-washy and unpredictable at a time like this. Holidays are meant for fun, study, play. Yet i feel like i haven't achieved any of this. It seems like this supposed-to-be fun holiday is turning out to be a normal boring holiday anyone else experience. Even the books don't do me justice. I've put in effort in Chinese and English, but yet i find myself not improving at all. Perhaps it's the expectations i've got for myself, or maybe because i'm not putting my heart and soul into whatever i'm doing. I think i'm far away from this world, and i think you guys think i'm insane to post sth like this, when ytd i'm still appearing fine to the rest of the world.
Is it immaturity, or unpreparedness? My life seem to be in a total mess. I want to go shop for NY clothes, wallets, bags. Yet the money i saved throughout the year restricts me from doing so. Actually, no. It's because i dun wish to spend. I saved $900+ in my piggy bank and i spent $518 on the phone, $50+ on presents, and another $50+ on Swensens, Nebo, things like that. I'm still left with quite abit, but i dun wish to spend. But that's beside the point. Not only shopping, i wna go out. For BBQ, Christmas celebrations, New Year celebrations, more chalets. Clique's been talking about it oh-so-often, yet everything that seems to be so near is so far away. I think I'm falling sick again, i feel exhausted, but i'm doing nothing. I'm confused; i think there's something i haven't find out about myself. Is this growing up, or is this abnormal? Idk why i'm pouring out my feelings here; I feel screwed. I'm not what you see, and I'm not getting emotional. I just think the world is unfair, not to me. But everyone else.. |
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3:50 PM
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Tuesday, December 16, 2008
I've been lazing around at home recently and somehow i find myself getting more and more distracted, and i find myself digressing from whatever i'm doing almost everytime. It seems like i can never focus on something to do properly, and i hate myself for being so wishy-washy and unpredictable at a time like this. Holidays are meant for fun, study, play. Yet i feel like i haven't achieved any of this. It seems like this supposed-to-be fun holiday is turning out to be a normal boring holiday anyone else experience. Even the books don't do me justice. I've put in effort in Chinese and English, but yet i find myself not improving at all. Perhaps it's the expectations i've got for myself, or maybe because i'm not putting my heart and soul into whatever i'm doing. I think i'm far away from this world, and i think you guys think i'm insane to post sth like this, when ytd i'm still appearing fine to the rest of the world.
Is it immaturity, or unpreparedness? My life seem to be in a total mess. I want to go shop for NY clothes, wallets, bags. Yet the money i saved throughout the year restricts me from doing so. Actually, no. It's because i dun wish to spend. I saved $900+ in my piggy bank and i spent $518 on the phone, $50+ on presents, and another $50+ on Swensens, Nebo, things like that. I'm still left with quite abit, but i dun wish to spend. But that's beside the point. Not only shopping, i wna go out. For BBQ, Christmas celebrations, New Year celebrations, more chalets. Clique's been talking about it oh-so-often, yet everything that seems to be so near is so far away. I think I'm falling sick again, i feel exhausted, but i'm doing nothing. I'm confused; i think there's something i haven't find out about myself. Is this growing up, or is this abnormal? Idk why i'm pouring out my feelings here; I feel screwed. I'm not what you see, and I'm not getting emotional. I just think the world is unfair, not to me. But everyone else.. |
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bow down before me
you know you love me
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partners in crime
merrier the more
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